Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Dependent Heart

Well, hello again! it seems like it has been awhile, probably because it has-April I think!?  I intended to be a little more consistent with regular blog posts through the summer while the kids were out of school, but unfortunately that didn’t happen-we were too busy trying to squeeze as much fun as possible & deal with just our second broken bone of the the family. The fun was abundant, included taking Hunter & Mitch to football camp at ND...

We got in tons of beach time...

Hunter started a new school & was in summer school 1/2 the summer & Mitch attended another football camp (that he paid for himself!!) and had an accident at the end of camp & ended up breaking his wrist.

He wasn’t even playing football when he got hurt- he was just doing a drill...but as we all know these things unfortunately do happen & thank God the cast is off and he’s back to his favorite sport: FOOTBALL!

 All 3 boys started football practice in August- and ***poof*** the summer of 2014 came to a close. Its like saying goodbye to 4 people: age 17 Jackson, age 14 Hunter, age 12 Mitchell, and age 5 Chloë. Now i am reminding myself to look forward to the new people I will meet next summer. A little older, hopefully a little wiser, and hopefully someone will want to clean their room- stuff like that...

Just like you always hear, “As your kids grow older time goes faster.” As that happens I can’t help but to look back & remember and be so thankful to God for getting us through SO many things that range from silly to severe. For giving me a peace in my heart when I couldn’t find it myself & for setting my mind on lovely things when I was in the midst of changing 100 diapers a day.

I think of when I was in my 20’s and had three little boys
I miss these little guys
 and found myself in my little kitchen with my hands raised up to God asking Him to help me with my lack of patience & lack of energy...When all the kids were sick at the same time or when they "found" the water button on the fridge & flooded the floor (goodness gracious where was I) & I spent “nap-time” mopping up a flooded kitchen floor when I needed a nap too & dreaming of my late night trips to the grocery store ALONE.

Then there were times that really challenged Dave and I to turn to God with everything we had because there was no other way. You know how you feel when one of your kids is hurt! I know I feel like a crazy woman that would do anything I possible could to help my child. Well, on quite a few occasions we had the opportunity to 'lose it’ BUT instead we didn't because Jesus calmed us with His Word.

Like when Hunter was born & we found out he had a heart murmur. For the first 6 years of his life he had to be hooked up to tons of cords & monitored every 6 months to a year to see if the tiny hole in his precious, sweet, little heart had closed. He had to take antibiotics before every dental visit & I was frequently combating worry because he was SO active & played hard...he was walking at 9 months because he was ready to GO! I found myself calling out to Jesus on so many occasions during this time period. I can tell you the truth that it didn’t result in an instant miracle but it did help me have a hopeful, encouraged heart during it. God did eventually close the hole in Hunter’s heart at the age of 6 & we are so thankful!

We also had a scare with Mitch when he was a baby. He had what we thought was a lazy eye. We ended up taking him into an eye doctor who confirmed this & performed a surgery on his sweet little year old eye to help correct it. After the surgery the eye was almost completely misaligned.

I can’t even tell you how upset, angry (at the dr. & myself), fearful, and ready to fight I was. It turns out that he was misdiagnosed and Mitchell actually had Duane Syndrome.  To make a long scary story short, the doctor performed the surgery to put his eye back in place like it originally was and we corrected Mitchell’s vision with patching. We spent many years encouraging Mitch to wear his patch when he didn’t want to & having his vision tested yearly. Doctors have told us that if it were not for the patching Mitch did he potentially would not be able to pass his drivers license test because of poor vision. I am so thankful to God for correcting Mitchell’s vision & for leading us to the right doctors & for giving us persistence with Mitch because anyone who knows Mitch knows he is one TOUGH cookie-a true fighter!

We also have an amazing testimony with Chloe as a baby. At 2 weeks old we found out she had a Hemangioma on her eye. What I thought looked like a tiny speck quickly grew to a large puffy mass the size of a dime-causing fear that her eye would close & she would lose vision. We were having a very difficult time finding a doctor who had any solution beyond just "let it run its course." This time was scary for us because we were so concerned it could cover her eye and she could lose her vision, and then if and when it cleared we might then have to go through more of the intense eye doctor appointments that we had to do with Mitch, and just the thought of all the struggles this would cause for Chloë... After many phone calls & late nights googling we finally found an amazing doctor in New York City--Dr. Waner--who performed a laser surgery on Chloë to remove the tumor.
Chloë after her laser treatment
Then Dr. Waner's partner in Boston, Dr. Fay, was able to follow up Chloë’s lasers in Boston. I remember throwing my hands up in air and thanking God for these doctors & for them treating all these children with hemangiomas of all kinds and severities. It was such a huge relief & answer to prayer. On many of our trips down to New York we met many families that were dealing with this illness to a much larger extent-it can be crippling.

For these things and so many more- I am thankful that in times of hopelessness, fear, worry, doubt, I have someone who I can depend on. His Name is Jesus.

These are some scriptures that have calmed my heart & given me a peace & hope:

Hope: For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. —Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV).

Battles/Troubles: The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14 NIV

Fear: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

Peace: And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

How to think: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NLT

Strength & Power: But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV

*If you don’t know Jesus & would like to, ask Him into your heart by saying the follow prayer...

Lord Jesus, I ask You to forgive my sins. Save me from eternal separation from God. By faith, I accept Your death on the cross as payment for my sins. Thank You for providing the way for me to know You and to have a relationship with my heavenly Father. Through faith in You, I have eternal life. Thank You also for hearing my prayers and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for strength, wisdom, and determination to walk in the center of Your will always. In Jesus’ name!


  1. Thank you for sharing, you inspire me! xoxxo

  2. Colette, thank you for sharing this post. Your fears, concerns & prayers all sound so familiar to me, taking me back 30-40 years when I felt so many of the same things. My only regret is that we don't live closer so we could have helped you through some of the difficult times. But our prayers have always been, and always will be, with you and your family. Love, Mom